Have you ever been at a stand still with yourself? Perhaps you have been at a stand still with a co-worker, family member, friend or the dog. I am at a stand still with myself. Immobile. Can’t seem to move forward, backward, left or right. I am stuck right here in the middle.
It’s funny to me that I am in this place – this stand still place. I have so many wonderful things going on in my life. Things are great, truly. But I find myself unable to move toward any of the wonderful things. I don’t know if it is fear, being overwhelmed, stress, shock. I am clueless. What I do know is that I need to start moving in some kind of direction. I can’t stand still for another 78 days (yes, it’s now only 78 days until the wedding). Or can I? Should I?
And now for the twist: the stand still is mostly in my mind not in my physical actions. I have been busy volunteering, seeing friends and family, traveling, packing, making wedding plans, writing, you name it. I. Am. Busy. But in my mind I am not sure what to think about all that is going on around me. I am at a stand still. I am excited about my future but I am also nervous. I am excited about the adventure ahead of me but I also struggle to say goodbye to everything I know and love (and it is not a permanent goodbye, it’s just change for a season).
My hope is that the little people living in my head (have you seen Inside Out?) quit standing around shrugging their ‘I don’t know’ shoulders and get moving. Ideally forward would be nice. I don’t know, maybe having brain immoblization is good for a period of time. I’m often accused of over thinking things (and rightly so). Perhaps God just wants me to take a break. “Be STILL and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). What a concept! Until this moment it didn’t dawn on me that the stand still could be intentional. God wants me to be still and just seek Him. Then again, I am in Sonoma right now, which could mean that the Sonoma Coma has decided to move in and set up camp!
So here is to standing still, or to my mind standing still. I know my thoughts will move again soon. In the meantime, I think I will chillax (everyone who knows me is laughing right now because Megan and chillax in the same sentence is an oxymoron). I think I will focus on Him and not worry about what’s rolling around (rather standing still) in my head.