I was reading a blog post by one of my inspirations Lysa TerKeurst about falling short and struggling to trust God and His master plan. The story she shared was just so raw and authentic and filled with beauty. After reading it, I was reminded how I too have had (and am actually living) a similar experience.
I met Ken, the love of my life, three years ago. How we first met is a long, interesting story that I will save for another time. What I will say is that after our first phone conversation we both knew that God was putting us together… for life. Both being older and knowing without a doubt we would spend our lives together, my hope was that we would be married soon. Emphasis on “my” hope. God had other plans, and unfortunately I got very frustrated waiting on Ken and waiting on God (so many tears). Let me say this, I give Ken a huge amount of credit because he faithfully waited on the Lord to show him the right time, the right way, etc. He remained faithful to what God put on his heart, even when I was putting on the pressure, airing out my frustrations, not understanding, the sad list goes on. And part of me did understand where Ken was coming from, I truly did, but the very carnal side of me did not at times (this story is not reflecting well on me, is it?).
Part of my frustration stemmed from desperately wanting to leave my job. It was a place I had been for several years and I just wasn’t happy. I loved the people I worked with, but I knew it wasn’t where God ultimately was calling me to be. But despite my numerous efforts to leave, every door was closed. For a long time I felt that Ken was my answer to leaving my job. If we got married and I moved to Utah – problem solved. But no. That wasn’t what God had in mind and my job frustration wasn’t going to push Ken along any faster (and I am glad it didn’t… God’s timing was/is perfect).
I finally hit a point of desperation and called out to God. I didn’t know how to wait any longer to be engaged and married. I didn’t know how I could work one more holiday season at my job. I didn’t know how to remain hopeful and trust that God had a plan and a great plan. Then it happened. I was on my way to visit Ken in Utah. While on the plane, I wrote a long letter (a letter God put on my heart). Through the letter I realized (thank you Holy Spirit) that I didn’t need a ring on my finger to make a change. I also did not need a new job or different job to make a change. God showed me that I could walk away from my job (with a smart plan in place) and start pursuing my dream, to follow my calling. When I shared the letter with Ken he could not agree more. In fact, we had the same timeline on our hearts and we began working toward the change. God is incredibly good.
So I put a plan in place to leave my job, ring or no ring, and truly trust the Lord regarding my future and next steps (even with so many unanswered questions!). As I reflect on the past 10 months, and even just the last three months I am in awe of what God has done. In awe of the incredible plan he had/has for my life, and for Ken’s life. Here are some highlights of my life today:
- I am no longer working, and I get to really enjoy the holiday season with my family.
- I am engaged! Ken proposed a month before I left my job, which was a huge desire of mine and God was so faithful to work out such a precious detail.
- I have all the time I need to plan our wedding for next April 2016 and start transitioning my life to Utah.
- I have enough financial resources to carry me until the day I get married – how amazing is that??? Only God.
- I have the privilege of volunteering for a non-profit that is close to my heart, Giving Children Hope, six days a month. I never knew I would love working for free!
- I am pursuing my dream of becoming an inspirational author and speaker. It is slower going than I had hoped, but I am reminded that God has a plan and in His time things will move forward.
If only God had given me a sneak peak of His plan three years ago I would have been spared from a lot of heartache and frustration. But He doesn’t reveal His plan for good reason. We either wouldn’t believe it, or worse yet, we wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate His plan if we had known all along. Instead, God used the last three years to draw me closer to Him, to learn to trust Him more. Though it wasn’t always easy, I would not trade one ounce of what I experienced because it brought me to where I am today. Incredibly blessed.
I know I will still have moments when I struggle to trust God. But, I am reminded daily of His faithfulness. God has been incredibly faithful, especially when I have been far from faithful to Him and in trusting Him.
I know all the great bloggers come up with some clever tweetable line for people to share. How about this: God’s plan trumps man’s in every incredible way.